I obtained the Fa during the Thanksgiving holiday of 2001. In the first few years after that, even though I’d continue to live my normal daily life but in every waking moment I’d be thinking about Dafa and cultivation. I truly felt like in the state that Master had described, “If someone hears the Dao in the morning, he can die at dusk.” [Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Europe, May 30 & 31, 1998, in Frankfurt, Germany] Having obtained the Fa, I felt like I had pierced through the veil of all illusions in the world and wouldn’t care much about anything mundane. One day this thought occurred to me, that if I’d be made to move into a small apartment I’d certainly not mind at all. I probably would even feel quite relieved from the burden of owning a house and be happy about that.
Later I met with the greatest tribulation in my life, when my ex-wife asked for a divorce. Even though I felt that I had tried my hardest, I wasn’t able to make her change her mind. Therefore, in January of 2014 I moved out of the family that I had had for 20 years, and moved alone into this small townhouse which we previously had held as a rental property. I couldn’t really judge myself on how I did in passing the test of that tribulation, but I was certain that I held no grudge or hatred in my mind. Nevertheless, besides having to get used to the solitude I did feel somewhat that I was treated unfairly. Even though I wasn’t wealthy, I did achieve a solid financial foundation through 20+ years of professional career and various investments. I felt that I didn’t deserve to live in a puny townhouse like that. I thought I had previously given up the attachment of wanting a nice abode. All of this stirring made me realize that it was still with me. Be that as it may, the novelty of starting a new life quickly shifted my attention away from this attachment.
Probably due to arrangement by Master, soon after that I met my new wife, also a practitioner. After getting married I told her that I’d provide all that she needs but I hope she’d accept our future living in this small house. I felt that it was the right attitude, especially knowing that the Fa Rectification period would soon end and I certainly didn’t want to be bothered about mortgage payments and moving, etc. My new wife is of a gentle and content nature, always holding a positive outlook at things. Therefore, the small living quarters didn’t bother her at all.
Still, any attachment that’s only suppressed would spring up at the next opportunity. Sometimes we’d be invited to the house of some fellow practitioners. If I saw that their house wasn’t quite up to par with ours I’d feel smug. However, if their house was large and luxurious then all the mixed feelings would start arising. I might again feel unfair, thinking that I should deserve something equivalent. Or I might feel so jealous, thinking that they weren’t really more capable than I was and how should they deserve better. All that complex mental state totally exposed my great gap in cultivation. How far I was from “heart unmoved”?! I was thinking that since we were all practitioners we should all be at the same socioeconomic status. It was just like what Master says in Lecture 7 of Zhuan Falun, “This jealousy is somehow related to the absolute egalitarianism that was once practiced: After all, if the sky falls, everyone should die together; everyone should have an equal share if there is something good; when it is time for a pay raise, whatever the percentage, everyone should get an equal share. This mentality appears to be fair, with everyone being treated equally. In fact, how can people be the same?” I had ignored the fact that even though we all cultivate in the same school we all carry different karma.
Furthermore, it could be like what Master had said (rough meaning) that as we descended we all made different wishes and therefore things would be arranged differently for each person.
Whenever my mind experienced upheavals like this, I often would need to study the Fa tremendously to calm my mind. Nevertheless, I seemed to have only calmed it superficially or just had it suppressed temporarily. It is very difficult to truly and solidly cultivate! Perhaps my mind wouldn’t be stirred up so easily by envying the luxurious abode of fellow practitioners. Still, where we live is currently a prime real estate market so we see tons of beautiful and expensive developments popping up like mushrooms and house values escalating. Again, I began to feel smug about living in such an area, but then because our house is small and therefore the amount of value gain is limited. I started wanting to fight tooth and nail to get another piece of property in the area. But then doing so would also mean more financial burden and stress that I didn’t want to bear. My mind kept flipping between the two sides. For a while I’d seriously hunt for properties, but the next moment I’d drop the idea for not wanting the pressure. This constant going back and forth not only drove my wife nuts but made myself crazy as well. When studying the Fa, I could feel Master’s words pounding hard on my head, “Think about it, everyone: How far this is from Zhen-Shan-Ren, the characteristics of our universe! It goes entirely the opposite way.” [Zhuan Falun, Lecture 3] “What does this practitioner pray for? Money. Think about it, everyone: Why should a cultivator go after money?” [Zhuan Falun, Lecture 5] Nevertheless, Master said in Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa - Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference, “Buddhas aren’t supposed to be impoverished; they should be wealthy. The lives there are your riches, and only with them will your paradise be able to thrive.” I’ve come to understand that we should be wealthy, but what we seek is not the worldly wealth. We need to save people at this critical juncture in history. The more people we save, the more eternal wealth we have and the more prosperous our heavenly kingdom would be.
In this struggle with the attachment for wanting a nicer house, other attachments have surfaced as well. In my busy mind this thought also occurred, that if I’d get a mortgage now then what would happen after the Fa Rectification period ends? How could I leave this mess behind me? Also, even if I’d buy another house I’d better keep this small house which is owned free and clear. That way I could leave a debt-free property to my daughters. My mind kept circling around on how to lessen their trouble after I depart this world. All of these thoughts might indicate that I’m a responsible person, but really, they are not what a cultivator should dwell upon, especially in this time period. Or else I might be like what Master had said (rough meaning) that even one thought like that would make me drop to a lower level.
To buy or not to buy? My mind bounced violently between the two choices. I’d either fixate on wanting to buy so much that my head would hurt, or I’d superficially appear diligent by thinking that wanting to buy is an attachment. In that regard my wife, a fellow practitioner, appeared quite level headed. She thought that if we could afford to buy another house then we could just go ahead. If we could demonstrate to people that we are also members of society and that we could maintain a decent standard of living, then it might help to positively portray the image of Dafa. Master has asked us to conform to the way of the ordinary people. If a relatively small number of disciples could really treat everything lightly, that’s certainly good. However, for the group of Dafa disciples as a whole it should not be against the Fa to improve our living standard as long as we are not doing it to show off or as a pursuit for fame or fortune. Normal real estate transactions are a part of economy and help contribute to the overall prosperity. Of course, the premise of us taking part in activities of society is that we must not forget our primary responsibilities as Dafa disciples.
Ultimately we did move ahead to buy a new house, for the main purpose of wanting to improve our living conditions and also to land a new house before the prices rise beyond our reach forever. We are currently busy with mortgage paperwork and house construction which are quite tedious activities. One day this thought occurred to me, what should I do if right in the midst of this everything would come to an end tomorrow? What I think now is that, whatever should happen just let it happen. I seem to have actually given up some attachment in that respect.
