My situation is that I have been cultivating on and off, haphazardly, for many years, and then all of a sudden, I joined the big wave of fa-rectification and stopping the persecution. Since I skipped the period of self-cultivation, I have stumbled many times. In the beginning, I thought doing things was cultivation, and then I changed from not knowing how to cultivate to know some truth about cultivation, and finally realized some of my fundamental attachments.
When I was little, my family always said I was lazy, and when I grew up to adulthood, I developed a strong attachment to seeking comfort, which brought much challenge to my cultivation. For quite a while after I started cultivation, I was unable to persist in studying the Fa and doing the exercise on a daily basis. Thanks to the help of fellow practitioners and by studying and exercising with several of them over the Internet or phone, I started to make breakthroughs. I sincerely thank those practitioners for their help over a long period of time.
Through Fa study, whenever I slack off and do not want to get up in the morning, or remove my leg upon feeling pains in sitting mediation, Master’s teaching emerges in my head. It seems like I can see eyes from other dimensions watching me, and I can feel the sadness and sorrow of those in my cosmos when I become not diligent. I now know that everything in cultivation is for the benefit of others.
Establishing a mechanism to look within
My husband does not cultivate, and he has helped me tremendously over the years. In the beginning, I was the boss and always in charge in the house, and later on it turned into a situation where he was the one who yelled at me and accused me loudly. Even though I know that all his actions are for my cultivation, but it still took me years to become unaffected by his acts. Still some time later, I was able to become truly calm and look within to find my own problem. Later on, I realized, all these were because of my lack of compassion and my mind was not clear. The reason a casual sentence of mine made him so furious was that I made him felt neglected and slighted without knowing it. Alternatively, it was because of what I had in my words, influences from Chinese Communist Party culture. If I stay calm and have a clear mind all the time, everything around me would change accordingly.
One sentence in Master’s lecture to Australian practitioners gave me very deep impression, in which Master said (not original words) that whenever you felt your anger piling up to your neck, it is time for you to look inward. Later on, whenever someone’s words touched my nerve or moved my heart, or something made me unhappy, I would recall Master’s Fa, and start to find my human notions at work. Now I can do better than before, but still cannot ensure that every thought and every idea of mine aligns with the Fa. At present, I still cannot always remember Master’s words and look within and always remain unaffected, and I often feel regret afterwards.
Cultivating to remove miscellaneous thoughts
Over the years, I felt I could follow the Fa principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Tolerance in dealing with routine family and life issues. At home, I always try to think of others and think of others first, and outside of home, I have participated in Dafa projects as well. One day, I suddenly realized that my environment has not changed toward a positive one even after many years of cultivation. My family is not against my cultivation and my husband gives many concessions on running the business to enable me to do more Dafa related works. Yet they support me because of family relations and not because they know the magnificence of Dafa. Once they revealed to me that they went to see Shen Yun every year only because of me, and the child would not consent to the Nine Word Mantra [Falun Dafa Hao, Zhen-Shan-Ren Hao] when she encounters difficult issues and when I suggest her to recite it. When I share my cultivation experience with my husband, he always says that I am trying to proselytize him quietly. He often says that I am infatuated with Dafa and I can seldom touch Dafa related topics when having a conversation with him. I read many articles on Clear Wisdom and found that, in comparison with those fellow practitioners who changed their family and environment with their diligence, I felt I failed in my cultivation. Once I was frustrated and told my husband, “my fellow practitioners cultivated better and better because they let people around them to get to know the greatness of Dafa, but shame on me, I did not let others know such a wonderful Fa because I did not cultivate well.” Now I realize what could really sabotage the image of Dafa is my own failure in my cultivation. I know that I have to look within to change the situation; it must be my own problem that prevents me from validating the Fa and saving sentient beings.
When I calm down and look within, I found many of my attachments, the remains of Communist party culture, and my bias in understanding the Fa principle. For example, I misinterpreted Master’s teaching that Dafa disciples are the protagonist as I need to be always in charge at home. I also realize that we need rationality and wisdom in validating the Fa. I found my lack of compassion due to Communist party culture and my egotistic and strong-handedness in life. I also found that I have sentimentality under the disguise of saving sentient beings. As a cultivator, it is imperative that I maintain a clear and compassionate heart. At present, in addition to sending forth righteous thoughts daily, I often examine to see if I have a clear and compassionate heart and can treat anything and everything with compassion.
My environment changed gradually. Recently, something happened in the family of my husband’s son. I suggest my husband to spend some time with him. I also communicated with his son and told him that I would teach him Dafa, to make his life full of hope. My husband was moved and thanked me for my understanding and support. I did not say much. A cultivator is supposed to change from a selfish person to an altruistic person. In the past few days, my husband suffered from severe allergy from pollens that did not improve upon seeing a doctor. To my surprise, he said he knew what to do: just recite the Nine Word Mantra (of Falun Dafa is great and Truth-Compassion-Tolerance is good) and drink water! I purposely said that you must have forgotten the nine words, and then together we ensured that he knew the words. When he coughed really badly, I went to remind him of the nine words, and he read them loudly! Thank you Master for your compassion and blessing!
Stepping up to save people
Although I participated in Shen Yun promotion and production work, I have not done enough to step up to save more people. I was not doing truth clarification wholeheartedly. We do not have much time, I want to learn from fellow practitioners old and young, save more sentient beings, and be a truly cultivating Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple.
Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners.
