Holly L.

Master has told us in Fa Teaching at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference “always cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank”, and after that he mentioned multiple times the principles of “Cultivate as you did at the beginning” in Fa Teaching Given at the 2014 San Francisco Fa Conference.

Then what’s my state in my first several years of cultivation?

I’ve being practicing Falun Dafa since December 1995. In the over three years of cultivating before Dafa was persecuted cruelly by the evil CCP in 1999, I was the same as the other disciples who started practicing Falun Dafa during that period, we focused on cultivating our xinxing, letting go of fame, interest and emotion. At the beginning of my cultivation, my heart was filled with joy of understanding the truth and obtaining the precious treasure of life, the ease of seeing the light all of a sudden, the inner peace when facing troubles as well as the detached feeling of letting go of fame and interest. Therefore my improvement on xinxing during that phase was obvious. During that time our cultivation experience sharing were pretty much based on how to improve xinxing.

Just because of the huge jump of Dafa cultivators on xinxing at the initial stage of cultivation, during the peaceful appeal on April 25th of 1999, ten thousand Falun Dafa practitioners (I clearly remember the leaders in my work unit said one hundred and ten thousand during his conversation with me regarding the appeal) gathered around the Appealing Office of the Central Government of China from Beijing city, and the provinces, cities and counties around Beijing city in one short day. From early in the morning till night, over ten hours of time, though we didn’t necessarily know each other, we were in such an order and showed high discipline and calmness. The peaceful appeal on April 25th was recorded as a milestone in history, and I was fortunate enough to be part of it and witnessed this magnificent event that shocked inside and outside of China. The spirit and dignity that Dafa disciples displayed that day stayed in my mind all this time, and I would never forget it. This was the cultivation at the beginning that we all share together.

When I recall my past experience at the initial stage of my cultivation, one scene from 17 years ago showed in my mind.

That was summer of 2000, when evil was very strong in power. Police, security, plain-clothes detectives spread over public places including bus stations, train stations and airports to catch Falun Dafa practitioners. Even the air was filled with terror. I was in summer break from my school, and was passing by Beijing train station on my way back from an academic conference in Shandong province. Around 7am in the morning, I arrived at the Beijing train station and planned to take the train scheduled at 9am to go back to Hebei province. When I arrived at the square outside of Beijing train station, a medium-sized bus stopped in front of me, and the destination was the city I was planning to go to and the staff claimed to leave shortly. Considering that I could get home earlier taking this bus instead of the train, I got on. Because I was the first passenger, I got to sit next to the window at the first row, which was the best seat on that bus.

However, though the bus staff said the bus would leave immediately earlier, they have been trying to get more passengers without any intention to leave. Time went by, it had passed 9am, when the train has already left, and the bus was still trying to get more passengers. Because in those years we Dafa practitioners were very strict on cultivating xinxing, I sat where I had been without feeling anxious or complaining. After 10am, all the seats have been filled at last; the extra seats in the aisle were also full except one. So it should leave now? But that was not happening either. The staff again got a young man on the bus. He was not happy seeing that the seat was the added seat in the aisle and said, “How can you let people sit there!” I saw that the whole bus was waiting, and said, “You can sit at my seat.” Then I got up and sat at his aisle seat, and that young man came to sit at mine instead. Then another passenger got on, the staff pulled a small bench for him to sit in front of my seat, he was not willing to sit there, and so I again switched seat with him, and sat on that small bench.

The bus finally started leaving, all, over 20 passengers sighed with relief. The passenger next to me asked, “Sister, are you a Falun Gong practitioner?” At that time in Beijing, one could get arrested as long as one claimed to be Falun Gong practitioner. But then I frankly replied, “Yes!” Under the atmosphere of the whole country’s slandering Falun Dafa, I felt very proud when someone believed that only Falun Dafa practitioner could do such kind of things.

Then the passengers started to become very active. Questions were raised constantly, and I answered one by one with ease. Now it has been 17 years, what truth I clarified, how I clarified the truth, I cannot remember clearly. But how I voluntarily gave up the best seat on the bus and switched to the worst one, how this action offered the best proof to Falun Dafa, which was a convincible base of clarifying the truth. I talked for a long time till somebody switched the topic to other things that ordinary people were interested.

Later a person appearing to be a communist leader on the right to me said in light voice, “You were really brave.” He asked what I did for a living, and I told him “teacher”. He asked which school, I didn’t answer directly. Since this person looked a little suspicious, I was prepared to be reported by him. I left immediately after the bus arrived at the destination. Of course, nothing happened afterwards.

The reason I talked about this is I felt my mentality was really good at that time. Though the environment was very difficult and dangerous, I was able to keep a compassionate and peaceful mind and do something that put others’ benefits in front of mine, and so consequently got a good opportunity of clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings in a public place.

After I came to the United States, the environment was comfortable, and we are free to practice our belief, I can do things to verify Dafa freely at any time, but the thought and mindset of “always putting others in front of me” is not that strong any more. Even about giving up seat for others, when I just came to the U.S., we rode a van to New York Fahui. There were 15 seats and they were all full. Whenever I got on, I would pick the worst seat in the van – the middle seat on the last row. After a long time, my attachment for comfort was getting stronger; I slowly started to move to the front and to the side. In order to see Master clearly on Fahui, I would stick myself in between other people’s seats. When I just came here, I was able to stick to xinxing standard and not arguing or explaining when I was wronged in the conflicts among practitioners. The longer I stayed here, the more projects I was able to participate in, the more people I got to work with, the more experiences I had, the more problems I saw in others, the lower standards I set for myself. My heart was not that calm any more. I would argue for different opinions, instead of peacefully stating my own thoughts. When I was wronged, I could not stand it. My heart was filled with anger, and so I was displaying a strong attachment of fighting. For several times when I lost my control, I was not in the state of a Dafa disciple. I was not like that before. Though I was pretty direct when I talk, I was pretty easy-going and tolerant. I was more forgiving after starting cultivation, but now I became pretty irritable for the different opinions at Dafa work. I could not stand the stimulants in other people’s words and always think others are at fault.

Recently I studied Master’s lecture in Singapore, Master said, “Yet when we run into problems, we often look outwards—“Why are you treating me like that?”—and feel that we’ve been treated unfairly, instead of examining ourselves. That’s the greatest and most fatal obstacle for all living beings. In the past, some people said that it was impossible to succeed in cultivation. How could one succeed in cultivation? [They couldn’t succeed] because that was the biggest obstacle, and nobody was willing to find faults in himself amidst problems. When a person feels hurt, or when he encounters misfortune, it’s really difficult for him to still examine himself and see if he’s done something wrong. If a person can do that, then I’d say that on this path, on this path of cultivation, and for the eternity of his existence, nothing can stop him. It’s truly the case.”

Master also said, “I think that from now on all of you disciples of mine should examine yourselves amidst problems, in relationships, or when problems arise in studying the Fa or among our disciples. [Ask yourself:] “Is there something I’ve done wrong?” Every one of you should conduct yourself this way and cultivate your mind (xin). If you spend your energy on external things and look for others’ shortcomings instead of working hard on your own mind, how can you improve yourself? Others will improve and advance in cultivation after you point out their shortcomings, but you’ll still be here. That’s why I tell you that whenever any problems occur or whenever you feel uneasy inside, you should look inside yourself for causes. I can guarantee that the problem lies within you.”

After learning Master’s teachings, I deeply realized that the root cause of my xinxing not improving is because I trapped myself in doing things, but the cultivating mentality was getting lighter. “Always looking within” is a magic tool that Master gave us, but I always look at others when I encounter something and conflicts, completely not in the state of a cultivator.

Think about those years, when the Secretary of CCP Committee at my work unit pressed me to give up cultivating Dafa based on orders from above, I said to him, “I know clearly that Falun Dafa is great and righteous, if I talk bad about Dafa against my will due to pressure, I would feel very painful for the rest of my life under the torture of my conscience. Please point out what I should improve at my work, I would accept it with a humble mind, but I cannot give up Falun Dafa!”

In the beginning of cultivation, especially in the cruel environment, I was able to hold myself to strict standards as a cultivator. The righteous thoughts and belief accompanied me for the most difficult eight years. However, in the comfortable environment, in the middle of the conflicts, I lowered my standards and did not improve my xinxing that well. I was not following Master’s words in that regard. To change this state, first I need to adjust my mindset back to the initial stage of cultivation, set a standard of doing everything according to Truth, Compassion and Forbearance all the time.

In the end, I would repeat Master’s teachings: “always cultivating as if you were just starting will surely result in achieving your ultimate rank”. I wish to build a good cultivation environment in Atlanta with everybody, focus on how we study and cultivate, advance together, ever diligent!