S. W.

I am a Dafa disciple from Chaoyang in the Liaoning province (NE China), currently 65 years of age. I obtained the Fa in July 1996 and therefore have been cultivating for nearly 20 years. Soon after I obtained the Fa I established a Fa study site at my house, with more than 10 people coming to study the Fa and doing the exercises every night. Through cultivation practice, my allergic rhinitis and cardiac arrhythmia were cured, and every day I was in great spirit and felt happy. On April 25, 1999, along with fellow practitioners we went to Beijing to validate Dafa. Little did we expect that the evil CCP would continue the persecution of Falun Gong. After July 20, 1999, several practitioners that I knew well were arrested. Under the prevailing foul atmosphere at the time I slacked off in my cultivation due to fear. Fortunately, with discussions and sharing with fellow practitioners I was able to regain diligence quickly. Here I’d like to share with you my thoughts regarding these years of cultivation.

Clarifying the truth under Master’s tender care

In the beginning of the persecution, our local practitioners frequently went out to distribute disks, brochures, and pasting signs for truth clarification. Being concerned that remote rural villages would fall behind, we’d often visit them using cabs. We’d go at night and return at dawn, with no feeling of fatigue or drowsiness at work the next day. In the villages we would split up to distribute materials. One night in pitch darkness one of my feet stepped into a ditch roughly 3 feet deep, with the other leg still up on the road. Holding the idea that I was saving people as a Dafa disciple, I thought that no one would be worthy enough to cause any interference. With my hands pushing down on the ground I was able to swing up my leg right away. Right after that I felt severe pains in my leg but the sensation soon subsided. I soldiered on to finish distributing all the materials, and easily met up with fellow practitioners and went home together.

In another incident, three of us went to a distant village, traversing on uneven dirt roads. We weren’t able to find any rides in the dark rural area. It was past 2 am when we finished and we had to leave the village on foot, thinking that it’d probably be daybreak before we could catch any ride. Walking along, out of nowhere we saw a cab parked at the side of the road as if it was waiting for us. We inquired the driver about a ride home and he responded positively with readiness and didn’t charge us any extra. With ease we got home before dawn and went to work with no delay. We could sense that Master was watching over us. Everything had been arranged by Master. Our grateful appreciation, Master.

After Master had told us to save people by clarifying the truth, I started talking to my co-workers, relatives, and friends about the truth and also quitting the CCP. Most of them learned the truth and also did quit, and were rewarded as a consequence. One time my neighbor Sister Li came for a chat, telling me how she suffered from insomnia and was too tired to do anything. I told her about the magnificence of Dafa and how the evil CCP was making slanderous lies. In that whole night I also taught her the 5 exercises and showed her Master’s exercise teaching videos. The next morning, she came and gladly told me, “I slept through the whole night and feel so energetic. After waking up I have already finished washing my son’s overcoat. Dafa is so amazing.” Afterwards I showed him the videos of Master’s lectures and gave her a copy of “Zhuan Falun”. She has also become a practitioner.

With the progress of Fa Rectification, our Fa study group started to personally clarify the truth to people. Every night we’d study Fa or go out to distribute materials, and also SFRT on the hour every hour. In the morning we’d go out to clarify the truth in teams of two. In the afternoon we’d come back to my house to study Fa. In the beginning I was afraid that I am poor with words and didn’t dare to open my mouth. Usually it was the fellow practitioner who would speak and I’d just SFRT. Then I realized that I shouldn’t rely on fellow practitioners like that and felt the need to break through. Therefore, I started speaking when I was buying vegetables at the street stands. Whenever I was buying something, I’d clarify the truth to the business owner and talk about quitting CCP. Gradually I was able to clarify the truth independently.

One time a 50-year old man was asking me for directions. At first I had reservations about clarifying the truth to men, but then I realized that he could be a man with a pre-destined relationship whom Master sent my way. Therefore, I told him that I’d take him there. Along the way I kept talking to him. It turned out that he was a veteran CCP member and after learning the truth he gladly agreed to quit. He kept thanking me and I told him to thank Master instead, and that all Dafa disciples would do the same.

Also, on my way home from work one day, I met a father and a daughter asking me for directions. I took them where they wanted to go and clarified the truth along the way and therefore they agreed to quit. I asked him for his last name, to which he replied “Gong”. Then I told him that I’d use the alias “Gong Li” for him to quit. Very excitedly he exclaimed that that was indeed his name and wondered how I knew it. I thought to myself that they were indeed people of pre-destined relationship arranged by Master to meet me. In those years I also ran into people who would yell at me, or wouldn’t believe in what I said. In those instances, I kept my heart unmoved, thinking that I was paving the way for them to be saved later. Nevertheless, after listening to me most people would say, “All right, thank you.” I realized that this road of clarifying the truth directly to people was laid out by Master, and that I’d just have to do according to Master’s instructions.

Passing the Test of “False Sickness Karma”

In 2014, all of a sudden, I lost more than 16 lbs. Sometimes I felt the need to drink a lot of water, and my feet became numb. I became emaciated. My daughter was working in another town so I was living by myself. Seeing how I was, my niece decided to measure my blood sugar level. Without much thought I went along with her decision. My blood sugar level registered 27, a very high value. An ordinary person in that situation would feel very weak and ill. However, I was still feeling quite energetic. I started wondering why a cultivator’s blood sugar level would be this high, but failed to really look within myself. The next day my niece bought a new type of tester, and again I allowed her to test my blood sugar. Again the measurement was 27, she became anxious and demanded that I go to a hospital to be checked. Upon her mentioning the word hospital I sensed how serious the issue had become. I told her that I was all right and wouldn’t want to go to the hospital. By then I knew that, as a cultivator, I should not go to the hospital and could not be tested any more. Receiving the blood sugar test would be taking the path of an ordinary person, not treating oneself as a cultivator.

Afterwards my niece again wanted to test my blood sugar level. I begged Master for help and refused to be tested. She was so upset that she slammed the door on her way out. She also went on to tell this to the relatives, so my brother and other nieces also came. In tears they begged me to go to the hospital but I insisted not to go. At the end my niece cried and almost fell to her knees to implore me to go. Being moved by “qing” I also cried and agreed to go to the hospital the next day. That night when my fellow practitioner came to study Fa we exchanged some thoughts on this matter. She said that cultivators should have no illness and going to the hospital would mean choosing the patch of an ordinary person. I telephoned my daughter who was working away from home. She is also a cultivator and believed that cultivators should not fall ill at all. However, she said that I should think it through and decide whether to take the path of cultivation or that of an ordinary person. I calmed myself down and realized that I could not take the path of an ordinary person. Fearing that my niece would again force me, I told her that I’d go visit my daughter and have her take me to be checked. After hearing this my niece was able to rest assured.

At my daughter’s place, we studied Fa together and had discussions. When reading Lecture Six, “Cultivation Insanity”, Master says, “As a practitioner, if you always think that it is an illness, you are actually asking for it. If you ask for an illness, it will come inside your body. As a practitioner, you xinxing level should be high. You should not always worry that it is an illness, for this fear of illness is an attachment and it can bring you trouble just the same. In cultivation one needs to eliminate karma, and that is painful. How can one increase gong comfortably? How can one otherwise remove one’s attachments?” All of a sudden I realized that it was my fear that led to this false illusion of illness karma, that when I was comparing an ordinary person’s ill condition to my own I didn’t perceive the negative thought generated and thus didn’t eliminate it right away. Therefore, my mentality of “asking for it” was what brought it on. Even though I had been doing the “three things” all those years, I had the problem of not reaching tranquility during Fa study and exercises. Also, my personal cultivation remained on the surface and I never truly changed my notions. As a consequence, when studying the Fa, I always felt some sort of barrier. My human notions formed from antiquity made me fear those illusions, and this “fear” led to “doubt”. I was doubting whether I was actually “sick”. As I did not have 100% faith in Master and in the Fa, this led to the illusory “illness karma”. I kept reciting the poem “Severing” in “Hong Yin II”,

“Cultivation is not hard,
It’s attachments that are hard to part with.
When will you sever those many attachments?
All know the sea of hardship has no shore.
If your will is not firm,
The hurdles are like mountains.
How will you transcend this mortal life?”

I was determined to change my human notions deep down in my heart. Whatever thought that came up that was not in accordance to Fa I’d grab a hold of it and eliminate it with righteous thoughts. My relatives still kept calling my daughter with tears, trying to convince my daughter to take me to the hospital. This illusory illness karma caused my friends and relatives to have negative thoughts about Dafa. I had to believe in Master and the Fa fully, deny this illusory illness karma totally, and get rid of human notions thoroughly. This would be the only way for me to pass the test and validate Dafa. Now my illusory illness karma is completely gone. Having witnessed that I was in great spirit and more energetic than my niece, my relatives no longer bring up the issue of going to the hospital. Even though at times I still feel discomfort in the legs, I avoid recognizing and acknowledging it. I don’t have the fear any more. I treat the physical discomfort as a great way of how Master is reminding me to cultivate diligently and also a means to clarify the truth to let more people know about the wonder and magnificence of Dafa.

Eliminate Selfishness and Look Within

In September of 2015, I came to the U.S. to take care of my daughter who just became a new mother. There are now four of us who share a one-bedroom apartment. My cultivation environment has now changed. With my son-in-law and I together caring for my daughter, conflicts soon started to burst out. I sleep in the living room while the three of them sleep in the bedroom. Every night my son-in-law would stay in the living room playing on his cell phone under a lamp until midnight. I wasn’t able to fall asleep and would thus lie in bed grumbling. My mind kept churning about how poorly he treated me, not showing me any respect and being totally selfish. I am the mother-in-law after all, how could he treat me like that? He showed no concern for me and couldn’t care less about my sleep. Unlike him, at my own home all of the youngsters respected me and cared about me. In the future when he’d come to visit me, it’d be payback time. How come my daughter married a guy like that? I got to ask my daughter to buy me a plane ticket right away to go home. The more I thought about it, the more furious I became, so much so that I broke down in tears.

My daughter had noticed me moping, so she talked about it with me. “Isn’t this a great thing?” she said, “isn’t he helping you improve in your cultivation? You should even thank him.” She didn’t say much more and just asked me to study Fa more diligently and also look within. Therefore, I started studying profusely. When I got to “Realm” in “Essentials for Further Advancement” where Master says “A wicked person is born of jealousy. Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.” It suddenly became apparent to me that I was acting as a wicked person. In Lecture Nine of Zhuan Falun, “People with Great Inborn Quality”, Master says, “As you know, when a person reaches the Arhat level, in his heart he is not concerned about anything. He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern.” I knew that I couldn’t continue like this anymore. I had to pass this test, eliminate the intent of vengeance, grudge, selfishness, only liking to be praised by others, the pursuit of fame, etc. This was the environment for cultivation Master had arranged for me, for me to look within. I could not continue to feel that I was wronged, holding grudge, and always picking fault at others. I had to get down to earth and cultivate myself.

Alas! How excruciating it was to eliminate those attachments. In the beginning, whenever I felt a conflict arising between my son-in-law and me I’d forcefully bear it. In “What is forbearance?” in “Essentials for Further Advancement”, Master says, “Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” Sometimes, even my son-in-law’s facial expression irked me to the point of blowing up. However, Master says, “But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate a person psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make him or her improve.” (Lecture Four, “Transformation of Karma”, in Zhuan Falun) So I told myself that I am a cultivator and I must do according what Master says. Therefore, I started reciting “Solid Cultivation” in Hong Yin,

“Study the Fa and gain the Fa,
Focus on how you study and cultivate,
Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa.
Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation.”

At every moment I have to remember that I’m a cultivator, always thinking for others. In every conflict I have to look within and eliminate selfishness and grievance. Now whatever my son-in-law would say I’d smile happily with no anger. Deep down I am very grateful to Master for giving me this precious environment for cultivation, allowing me to eliminate so many attachments.

In these years of cultivation, sometimes I do truly feel that cultivation is painful, but then how fortunate I am to have obtained the Fa. However, compared to what Master has suffered for us, this pain really is nothing. Now I have realized that I have to thoroughly change the human notions. Every moment I have to look within, cultivate solidly, so that I can return home with Master.

Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners! Heshi.