C. W.

Revered Master, fellow practitioners, thinking back on the many years of cultivation, time has really gone by fast. Everything has involved Master’s most dedicated efforts, care and mercy. I am very thankful and also grateful for the help and encouragement from other disciples. We are privileged to be Dafa disciples during the Fa-rectification period, this is our utmost glory. It is my honor today to share my experiences and personal understandings with my fellow practitioners. Please kindly point out any inappropriateness.

Master’s arrangement is best

Thinking back on my cultivation, I feel a little ashamed that I even cannot remember exactly when I got the Fa. In 1995, I had the chance to read “Zhuan Falun” and started doing the exercises, and I began to introduce it to my friends and family. Not long after I came to the United States in 1996, I found a practice site at a school nearby, and started to do exercise and to study the Fa with local practitioners. After the Chinese Communist Party launched the persecution in 1999, I had a 180 degree change of perspective on cultivation because I was not diligent in studying Fa. I brought a lot of obstacles to my husband, who was very diligent in cultivation. The once quiet and peaceful family life began to experience occasional fierce conflicts. Thanks to Master’s relentless efforts and great mercy, together with my husband and fellow practitioners’ constant reminders, I gradually returned to my path of cultivation.

After I returned to cultivation, I deeply felt the Great Master’s delicate arrangements for the disciple’s cultivation and his mercy. Just after I returned to my road of cultivation, I was assigned to a truth-telling project that required high degree of confidentiality. Since I had not studied the Fa for a while, doing this project required me to study a large amount of Fa and read a lot of sharing articles from fellow practitioners. I remember during those few months, I study the Fa and read articles for at least four hours daily, I always find myself in tears after doing so. I felt I was purified again and again, sometimes as if I was washed cleanly by a strong waterfall, sometimes as if a light breeze touched my soul. I benefited so much. I understood that this was Master’s arrangement for me to quickly return to my cultivation and catch up. It allows me to see the state of diligent practitioners, find the gap between me and them. It reminds me to grasp this chance to cultivate myself and dedicate myself to better validate the Fa.

A few years ago, when I decided to give up my ordinary people’s job and dedicate full time to a Dafa project related to Shen Yun, right there in the afternoon, I began to have a fever. I have always been healthy and I was fine in the morning, then the fever came in the afternoon. Small blisters appeared on the left backside of my hip, itching horribly. At night, it quickly spread to the whole back hip and became many big blisters. At the time, I had a very bad headache and I felt very weak. I could feel the fluid in the blisters moving and the blisters seemed like they were going to burst at any moment with the thick and yellow liquid in them. For the next three days, I could only lay on my stomach and could not get off bed or go down stairs. I had no strength to eat anything and my conscience was not clear. But whenever I was awake, I kept listening to Master’s Fa. I firmly believed that it was eliminating karma, and never had any human notions emerging. After three days, just like a miracle, the blisters disappeared and I was able to eat again. At night, I could even walk a while outside. Later, it did not leave any scars on my back at all. I knew Master had purified my body. Those blisters actually worked like a test to see if I am completely steadfast in Dafa. When I told this story to my girlfriend, she said it was supposed to be Shingles and it was impossible to recover in three days without any medicine and without any scars. It was indeed a miracle!

During the tour of Shen Yun, we had a high workload and constantly worked overtime. But I found my mind and body full of energy and didn’t feel tired at all. When I participated in Dafa project or group study, I can’t keep my cell phone on or stay at my computer. In the beginning, I was afraid this could delay saving sentient beings. But I found that in most of the times, emergencies would appear only after I completed the local matters. If our heart is on the Fa, nothing will be delayed. Just as Master said in Zhuan Falun that, “These things are arranged by the master and performed by the master. Therefore, it is said that cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while transforming gong is done by one’s master. You can only have such a wish and think about it like that, but it is the master who actually does these things.” (Lecture Two, Zhuan Falun)

From those experiences, I am quite often awed by the miracle of Dafa and the elegance of the arrangement. I have always been a very organized and methodical person since I was little, and would do and arrange everything tidy and well in school or in life, so as to reach the goal every step of the way. If there is any deviation in reaching the goal, I would actively make the adjustment, with lots of labors and efforts. I would feel sad and troubled if I can’t reach the goal. After I started cultivation, I found that no matter how detailed the plan is and how perfect the arrangement might be, even with adjustments, it is still no better than the path Master has arranged for us. If we center ourselves on the Fa and do things with complete faith in Master and without human notions, we will never loose directions in life, and we will obtain everything we are supposed to have. The path arranged by Master got to be the best and most beautiful. While on the path of saving sentient beings, no matter how difficult it is, it is us who will benefit in the end, and it is us who will become elevated in the process. Knowing clearly of the principles, and experiencing first hand all the phenomenon, our path in the human world will be journeyed much better and calmer. If we focus on the Fa, study the Fa more, look within more, and do well the things of saving sentient beings, our cultivations and our lives will not be delayed or interfered by.

Let go of the attachments to parents

I am the single child of my family, and I was a good girl in the eyes of my parents and relatives. I was very close to my parents and had a strong bond with them. Because of their not knowing the truth, my parents were very much against our cultivating. My father had always been healthy but eight years ago, he suddenly had a disease that the hospitals had no idea about. He went to many hospitals and saw numerous doctors, and no one knew what kind of disease he had. He could not eat nor sleep well, and became very thin. My mother overworked so hard and she became exhausted and tired. I am thousands of miles away and can’t help. My relatives complained that I turned from a good girl to become one that is not so obedient and not following filial piety. They often come to talk to me directly or indirectly about this. When I used the human notions to worry and concern about this, I could hardly bear them. I don’t know how to help my parents and dissolve the complaints and resentment of my relatives.

I thought thoroughly and reflected deeply myself, I understood that as ordinary person and parents, they have their own karma to repay. As Dafa disciple, I have my own attachments to relinquish. My knowing side knows that my cultivating diligently, clarifying the truth well, and walking my cultivation path well is actually the best help to my relatives, and the best for my cultivation. But, because of my attachment to the Qing, the attachment to saving face, and shallow understanding of the Fa principles, I suffered for a long time the bitter pain, not knowing how to clarify the truth to my families, how to take care of my parents, and how to keep a good girl’s image among my family and relatives. My relationship with my mom deteriorates day by day, and she would blame me harshly with her exhaustion and pain. The situation went so bad that as soon as I thought about calling them, I would feel anxious and nervous, becoming very tight for no reasons. When talking to them, as soon as I mention Da fa, I would be cursed at or looked down upon.

Through Fa study I realized, my nervousness and worries were all because of Qing, because of my fear of losing, and this is selfish and not noble. For some time, I would unconsciously turn to Lecture Four of Zhan Falun, Improving Xinxing. Master said that, “Cultivation must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human Qing and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation. Everything has its karmic relationship. Why can human beings be human? It is because human beings have Qing. They live just for this Qing. Affection among family members, feelings, love between a man and a woman, love for parents, feelings, friendship, doing things for the sake of friendship, and everything else all relate to this Qing. Whether a person likes to do something or not, is happy or unhappy, loves or hates something, and everything in the entire human society comes from this Qing. If this Qing is not relinquished, you will be unable to cultivate. If you break free from this Qing, nobody can affect you. An everyday person’s mind will be unable to sway you. What comes and replaces it is benevolence, which is a nobler thing. Of course, it is not easy to cut off this Qing right away. Cultivation is a long process and a process of gradually giving up your attachments. Nonetheless, you must be strict with yourself.”

Every time I read this paragraph of Fa, I would reflect on myself. Nothing happens like coincidence. Everything has something to do with my cultivation, so I must look within and cultivate myself, and try hard to relinquish those human notions and attachments, and not let the old forces take advantages of my attachments to Qing to persecute my family, and interfere with my cultivation and saving sentient beings. I must walk my own path well, then that is the best care I can give to my family; I must do well those things of saving sentient beings, then I can pay back my family the best. Sometimes I found that, if I study the Fa well and do well those Dafa related projects, my parents’ health conditions would be more stabilized.

Once when we were studying as a small group, my husband shared with all what troubled our family, and all others present actively offered help and assistance based on the Fa. The next day, some practitioners even made a trip to come to my home to share with me and send forth righteous thoughts together. I hereby thank you all for your assistance. I believe that as long as we focus ourselves on the Fa, let go of our attachments, do well the three things we ought to do, study the Fa more, send forth righteous thoughts, and clarify the truth, all the tribulations will be dissolved.

Study the Fa more, look inward and look inward further

As Dafa practitioners overseas, our cultivation environment is not comparable to that of practitioners in China. We are lucky and can freely study, exercise, and save sentient beings. Nonetheless, we have our own challenges and difficulties to deal with overseas when we do the three things. We have our own attachments to relinquish, and our own conflicts to deal with. Because of the predestined relationship of practicing in Dafa, we came together toward our common, glorious goal. How come we can coexist peacefully with ordinary people and clarify the truth to them and save them with great compassion, but would incur all kinds of conflicts with practitioners of the same faith? When conflicts arise, as Master said, “But normally when a problem arises, if it does not irritate you psychologically, it does not count or is useless and cannot make you improve. So he can’t get over it and it bothers him.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Four). From Fa principle I know, every problem, every conflict, all occur because of my attachments, because of my human notions, and could be great opportunity for me to relinquish such attachments. Every practitioner knows that it is studying the Fa and looking within that is the key of dissolving our conflicts, but while in conflict and during tribulations, when it is time to solve it, sometimes it is very hard to do so.

Over the years, I almost never had any intense or prolonged Xinxing conflicts with any practitioner. But recently, the words and acts of one practitioner deeply affected me. For quite some time, as long as I think of this practitioner, I would be affected by sentimentality, and the more I thought about her, the more awkward I felt in my heart. It even went on so much as to for a while, I almost wanted to give up working on the project that she is working in as well. I knew this is human notion. Old forces have hoped that we would incur conflicts and frictions internally, and we would collapse from within. But that practitioner’s words and attitude kept appearing in my head time and times again, and many negative thoughts would surface as well. It’s like a bone in my throat that I cannot calm down, and neither can I look within.

When my thoughts and temperament was unstable, when I was studying, I read this sentence that: “To truly cultivate, you must cultivate your mind. This is called Xinxing cultivation.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture One). This is the sentence that I have studied numerous times, but on that day, all of a sudden, I enlightened to it. As a cultivator, sure I have many aspects that need improvement, and many human notions that need to be removed. Why do I develop such violent, negative thoughts upon hearing a few words from fellow practitioner? How much of that is due to my pursuit of doing things? Pursuit of fame and profits? Strong desire to protect the self? I was indeed not having a righteous mind and not treating myself as practitioner!

I came to the realization through Fa study, but yet when I saw this practitioner again, and when I heard her words of “won’t stop till I got you!” and when I saw her cold and nasty face, negative thoughts can’t help but surfacing. This continued for a while until I realized that, even though I did look within a little, but I still had resentment towards this practitioner. That sentiment deeply disturbed me and almost affected my doing Dafa project attentively, and it reinforced the bad field among us. Since it affected my Xinxing, there must be bigger problem of mine. Master taught us, “as practitioners we should not be the same as other people and must hold ourselves to a higher standard.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture Four). I did not do as what Master said that “when someone swears at you among everyday people, you do not say a word and feel very calm; or when someone throws a fist at you, do not say a word and let it go with a smile. Your Xinxing level is already very high.” (Zhuan Falun, Lecture One).

Since I did not do so, there must be opportunities for me to improve Xinxing. I need to look within and dig further, to find my problems in cultivation. In painstaking inward looking, I realized my dissatisfaction towards the fellow practitioner originated from my having too big an ego, thinking that I have been working on the project very attentively and well, being praised and encouraged by many. The ego and self-rectifying is, in fact, rooted in protecting the self, and my inability to accept any criticism. I felt shameful upon realizing this. At that moment, all my dissatisfaction and disgust in my mind toward that practitioner dissipated immediately. I should really thank that practitioner! I now understand that, as Dafa disciple, I must look within, unconditionally, and look within further and further, let go of the self, and dig out those deeply rooted notions that were untouchable, expose them, and dissolve them.

Master said in “Fa Teaching Given at the 2015 New York Fa Conference” that, “With any project to save people, if you stray from cultivation you will find that you become more and more like a non-cultivator and tend to think about matters and do things in an increasingly ordinary way.” Sure we are studying the Fa every day, but have we really paid great attention in studying it? Have we really used the Fa to guide our daily activities, every thought, every act, and every word? Through this tremendous collision in my mind, I have better understanding of the Fa principle when I study the Fa. I now realized further that “Dafa is the wisdom of the creator.” (On Dafa).

I have also come to the realization that for all our Dafa projects, big or small, easy or difficult, if we have a solid foundation in cultivation and study Fa more and look within ourselves, we can have double the effect with half of the effort. Vice versa, not only will we not do the things well, we would also fall into trap of the old forces, with a deeper partition among practitioners. At the same time, if we only study the Fa but not do anything to save people, we will not be fulfilling the vow we had in assisting Master in fa-rectification. Base everything in cultivation, we will then be effective. Study the Fa more and look within to find the gap, we can eliminate all the human notions and follow Truth Compassion Tolerance. If we let go of the pursuit of fame and profit, the self, and cooperate with fellow practitioners, we can then do the three things well and with efficiency. Ordinary people even talk about all things coexist and not harming each other, all the roads lead to Rome and not interfere, we as Dafa practitioner, with the same goal and belief, we should be able to draw wisdom, grace, and broadmindedness, cherish every fellow practitioner, treasure our precious time together, cherish our cultivation environment, assist the Master in fa-rectification, and save sentient beings.

Thank you merciful and benevolent Master, thank you fellow practitioners, and thank you my family and friends! Let’s use our full strength in the final hours of Fa rectification and fulfill our vow we made before we descended to this world.