Greetings, fellow practitioners. I am grateful for this chance to look within in a systematic way. Thank you for being part of my group study environment.
Last summer a practitioner gave me a compliment that stayed in my mind. She praised some work I had done, and I kept remembering what she said. I knew that was a test. As Master said in Essentials for Further Advancement: “A Cultivator is Naturally Part of It.” “For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials, and all the compliments he receives are tests.”
What was my reaction to the lady’s words showing me? It showed me that had not eliminated the attachment to wanting to hear nice words. I wanted people to think I was capable.
The other side of that attachment was being afraid that I was not capable. I needed to hear compliments because I felt doubt and shame. So I thought that was an attachment too, part of my melancholy and anxious temperament. That was qing. Inside, I felt afraid of not being good enough.
It also might be interference, I thought. It seems likely that old forces want to discourage us, or test our will to persevere by making us doubt ourselves. Yet each of us, no matter how human or ordinary we may appear to be on the surface, are from high places. The part that has cultivated well cannot be seen.
In a way, there is nothing to doubt or regret about ourselves. We can look at and remove our attachments without any emotion.
Master wrote in Hong Yin II:
Climbing Mount Tai
I climb the steep steps, stretching miles ahead,
Winding upward and steep, this road, even to set off is hard;
Glancing back, ‘tis just like cultivating Righteous Fa,
Pausing half way makes salvation hard.
So steel the will, and lift thy leaden leg,
Endure the pain, diligent, and cast off attachments;
Dafa disciples, the tens of millions— A place still higher awaits you at Consummation.”
(April 15, 1996)
So I thought I would ignore the feeling of being not good enough. It’s not my true self. What I feel is just an emotion. In fact, to become a Falun Dafa cultivator is a predestined relationship. So being good or not good is not the question.
I can become aware of my attachments, and do better next time, without feeling discouraged about anything.
When we are confident and calm, the opportunities to save people come naturally. We see them, and are able to use the wisdom Dafa gives us.
A tiny thing happened when I was reporting on Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra. I approached a couple posing for pictures in front of a Shen Yun banner. They gave a good interview, and they were unusually interesting people. The lady said of the conductor, “It made me think, when watching him, about God, and how he orchestrates your life. I loved that. Is that too deep?”
Of course, it was not too deep at all.
She is a writer, an investor, a social media maven, and an entrepreneur, and has since done things that promoted Shen Yun. It reminded me of how all things are already arranged. I don’t have to worry. I just have to be diligent, study, improve my xinxing, and show up.
I know we should clarify the truth to everyone we meet, but sometimes I don't know how to do it naturally. I think if I study more and memorize the Fa, the wisdom will be there.
At the cell phone store, I took a workshop on how to master your new phone. All the students were grandmothers. Our teacher asked who was “brave enough” to try to play music through Bluetooth. I volunteered, and the store filled with the sounds of “Sewing the Flowers of Heaven,” from the Shen Yun Symphony Orchestra. The workers were waving their arms softly in rhythm to the song. One of my classmates said she loved it so much, what was it, where could she get it? So I was able to tell the group about Shen Yun.
The other side of Master’s jingwen at the beginning of this essay was “For a cultivator, all the frustrations he comes across among everyday people are trials.”
My husband is an atheist. He has a good heart, and he has always supported me. He has given me a lot of freedom to do Dafa related things. But I find it hard to listen to what he has to say. He talks for a long time and can be pretty grouchy and cynical. Raising xinxing has to include seeing the best in others. I realized I was falling short in how I thought about him; I was still selfish. I did not want to hear about messy stuff. It was not right for me to look down on him at all, or to judge him for his modern ideas. He came for the Fa too. No matter what words he says, he has earned virtue by being so kind and loyal to me all this time.
The other day he talked about his ideas, and I gave him my careful attention. I was patient. I stopped my inner thoughts of judging him. Afterwards, he surprised me by offering me even more freedom than usual. It was as if me improving a little bit let him improve too.
Well, I am going to keep going, no matter what. I will try to keep my vow. I will study and do my best to improve my xinxing.
As Master said in Hong Yin II,
Solid Cultivation
Study the Fa and gain the Fa,
Focus on how you study and cultivate,
Let each and every thing be measured against the Fa.
Only then, with that, is it actually cultivation.
October 7, 1994
Thank you, great Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners
